Dear Diary 13.11.18.....

Anyone who knows me knows how much I love to share (experiences, my faith, life, hardships, lessons etc). Food and some other things, let’s be honest now, sometimes it’s a battle, I AM A TOTAL FOODIE!! (Especially as of late, I will blame it on gym-ing!) It comes natural to me because of this deep desire to make everyone aware that we all go through very very similar, and more often than not, same things! 

Lately though, I have had this deep hard pressed impression in my soul that I need to restrain myself, that I have become too trusting and share too much with those close to me. Don’t get me wrong, trust is an important thing in friendships and relationships, sharing is precious to me, a very part of me. But I feel God calling me to retain some things just between Him and I. Not so long ago, I used to be more than satisfied with sharing my accomplishments, struggles and fears with just God, I truly was in a bubble, no one around me would really know about my life unless I wanted them to know. It took ALOT for me to start sharing things going on in my life with others even those close to me. I slowly feel myself going back to my prior way of being. As well as this, at the moment, telling God alone isn’t enough for me, like I feel the need to get the comfort He gives me, the praise and ‘high five’ He gives me, the peace and great sense of accomplishment He gives me, from human beings and that’s not right. I wouldn’t call it seeking for people’s approval because I’m past that, I don’t even know what to call it, it’s almost like I’m looking for people to love on me and pour care into me. Does this even make sense? Lool. 

There are some achievements I have made which I run quickly to tell those close to me, and at times their reactions and most importantly the way I feel after telling them simply doesn’t feel right. It’s so weird because I have this pain that's been sitting on my heart for about a month now regarding this and I don’t even know how to explain it. I just keep thinking, not all is as it seems. I sound cynical I know, but it is the truth of life. I am only sharing this with you guys because I promised to be open about my journey incase you ever face such a big decision yourself. *sighs* life!

Speak Soon.X