Gosh, only because I promised to be honest. Friendship is something I truly treasure but I’ve long since come to understand that friendships change, some don’t last as long as you’d like them to, some become something you never expected them to and some can actually withstand the test of time, situations, distance, arguments, misunderstandings and the lot.
Lately I’ve really been thinking about friendships as I mentioned in November. I’m ok with being alone lol, but I had to fight with myself to bring myself out of my shell and let people in, and that took a lot. Sometimes I wonder if the change in relationships around me, both amongst some family members and friends is almost a preparation for some expected loneliness I’ll encounter during my time in Korea? It could very well be. But truly there are times the way I feel hurts because I wonder if I’ve done something wrong for some relationships to simply not be working as I would like them to. I think over and over again on my behaviour, reactions and considerations towards others……..have I missed something? This a question I’m constantly asking myself. Forgive me for my ramblings lol.
As I get older I truly feel drained by immature behaviour and the lack of openness in a relationship. I don’t know why but I truly thought as we get older, maturity should be something that naturally falls in line with our growth. But I’ve come to understand it’s something we develop not only through experiences but we have to actively CHOOSE to be mature. Constantly our emotions and old habits cry out for our attention when situations occur but it’s ultimately down to us to choose how to respond and the repetition of how we react to things is what develops maturity in us.
Maturity hurts the heart, hurts the flesh, hurts the conscience. There are times when you have to stand up for the truth even if you get hurt and branded in the process. Each of our individual paths marked out by God for us, have their own valleys and hills, and through them all, we must remember, no, I must remember, that my one and only true best friend who will come with me to all places and in all circumstances and will always be understanding, patient and be everything we all secretly or even openly desire for in a friend, no yet again, be what I deeply and truly desire in a friend, a soulmate if you like, is God. And that I can never forget! 절대로!
Speak Soon.X
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